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Matthew 4:19-20
[19] And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” [20] Immediately they left their nets and followed him. Matthew 4:19-20
[19] And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” [20] Immediately they left their nets and followed him.
What nets do you need to leave behind?
I’ve been struggling on several levels at the same time I’m discovering more about God’s leading and intervention in my life as I share the following, but I know it could come back to bite me. I do not want to hurt anyone, because the burden of what I want to say falls upon me. I do not want to gossip or blame. Paul, I’ve spent a sizable amount of time with you, discussing the history of LFF, my personal crucibles of faith, my views of what church is all about. Do you remember those kayak talks?
I’ve also shared with you the growing evil oppression I’ve felt, especially when Sandy was so sick in Omaha. I alerted you and updated you several times, discussing with you the premonition of what we were going through, yet the overwhelming sense of His presence.
As I said, I’ve struggled with my involvement at LFF since the accusations of being arrogant and divisive. I’m fully aware that many have not agreed with me on my views of discipleship, missions, church expenditures without approval. I’ve said too much in past MLT meetings that may have come across confrontational, but I believe we need to be on guard against legalism, or a group that plays church without passion.
I genuinely want to finish the last years of my life encouraging others to be faithful, to surrender their lives to Jesus. How can I do that at LFF with animosity toward me? I’ve supported you, Paul, from the beginning. I’m full of sadness and regret that I’ve not encouraged you enough. In that respect, I’ve failed in my connection with you. I’m restless to do more, and am praying that God will awaken me to something different, a holy passion to love well, to build up others.
I’ve worked my entire career being able very public with my faith in a public school setting. My biggest critics have always been church people. I sense a growing trend at LFF that we need to hunker down because the world is evil and we are about to be overtaken by a liberal agenda. That may be be true, but retreat into the bunker is the wrong way to follow Christ. I’ve tried to build a welcoming spirit in my classroom, enabling anyone to be accepted. Why don’t I feel accepted in the church I’ve helped start? But, as Pastor Doug strongly taught, ‘Life is not about you, Bob. It’s about the glory of Christ in and through us.’
Again, I take full responsibility for others’ reactions to me. I cannot be open and honest with many in fear of the divisiveness that I’ve created, in fear that I will become bitter. I do not want to be a bitter old man. One of my heroes has been Bob Bragg who always tries to bring unity yet told the truth. In reference to leaving my the nets behind, perhaps there are necessary endings to what was once good. Perhaps I need to cast nets in another location. Perhaps I’ve grown to follow a different path. .
I’ve been struggling with my church involvement. Everything I read says that participating in church is part of following Christ. A huge question has been on my mind - How can I be an effective disciple and influence others to follow Christ in obedience?
I was in LFF leadership and taught Sunday School at LFF. Before and after Doug Shada’s death, I witnessed vicious and mean spirited LFF board meetings. Many left in anger. I stayed and remained loyal. I supported you to be pastor, Paul. But after being criticized for my arrogance and trouble making, I chose to be quiet, step back form involvement and reflect. I’ve been mocked for my Covid position, for being a public educator, and for following medical advice, rather than lame conspiracy theories. My reaction - Maybe I’ve been too dogmatic in what I’ve said. Perhaps I’ve wanted others to notice me rather than Christ. Maybe I’ve been too prideful.
I do not want to negate others efforts, divide the church, or teach content in the wrong manner. By being silent and stepping back, those who have been offended, will calm down. I know this sounds like a story from middle school drama, but at this point t in my life, something needs to change. Maybe I’ve changed. I fully acknowledge that church is NOT about me. I do not want to be on a platform in front of others. I once thought I wanted to teach the Bible to others in a group setting. I’ve received teaching awards and have spoken to groups of 400 fellow teachers. But taking the back seat in church is just fine.
One of my problems is that I’ve listened to countless stories given to me, insights into family secrets, family trauma, abuse by employees upon teen workers. I’ve reported child abuse and neglect, reported abuse cases to the county sheriff, collaborated with child protective services, and law enforcement to capture those who hurt children, and listened to many who have have considered ending their lives in depression. I’ve walked with students and families in the depth of their grief. But at LFF, I’m told to keep quiet.
Increasingly some individuals at LFF will not talk to me. When some see me walking toward them, they turn the other way to avoid me. Some do not even respond when I say Good Morning or Hi. What poison is being spread?
I’ve spent 46 years in public education and worked hard to develop a classroom / school atmosphere that is welcoming, inclusive to everyone. It hurts to be treated with disdain for wanting to be passionate for what I believe.
I’ve been restless and discontent, struggling to know what to do. I do not want to make a bigger problem, proving to the critics that I’m a trouble maker. I genuinely care about relationships in the church, but feel very uncomfortable with how I perceive the church to be drifting. I do not have answers or solutions. I cannot continue to be a bystander. In effect, I’ve quit church but stayed, thinking it will get better. I want to be better skilled at disciple making. How can I when I do not seem to fit in? How can I be a positive influence when the attitude seems to be ‘Who do you think you are?’
I feel like a fish out of water at LFF, even though there are attendees I truly appreciate. I’m weary and tired of the lack of attention to detail regarding those who are hurting, sick, and lonely. There does not seem to be ‘follow up’ with expressed health concerns or for those who are deeply struggling. Email Alerts about prayer requests are great but seem minimal attempts to communicate a caring approach to hurts in small church setting.
To sum things up, I’m taking a break from LFF because if I continue to attend at this point, my hurt will turn into anger and bitterness. I must do something to help myself, even though I know it’s wrong to view church attendance from a consumer mindset.
I’m so excited about global missions and want to stay updated regarding Activate Global and Possibilities Africa. Where is the passion for missions and discipleship? Is it only an obligation out of loyalty? Why hasn’t there been any sharing of stories from these agents of the gospel? Why are no testimonies of what God is doing? Why doesn’t LFF support local missions such as the Todd Becker Foundation? Where is the passion?
I truly appreciate an expository approach in preaching but why isn’t there encouragement for attendees to read and study the Bible on their own?
I want to continue receiving the minimal email approach to connect people, because I care and I want to pray for those in need.
What church is supposed to be, according to Alistair Begg:
"That's the plan and purpose of the Spirit of God: to take a diverse group of people and to create a unity within the framework of that diversity, so that we may be far more effective than any one of us could ever be left to ourselves."
The Rooted series by Eric Geiger is highly rated. the one on one discipling relationships that seem to come my way. I honestly believe God has provided each connection, that I’ve not pursued any of them for selfish reasons, as one LFF attender said. 7 of the 8 daily connections are with those outside the LFF community
Beth Moore - A run-on sentence:
In a culture where we’ve already canceled one another completely out and done immeasurable harm to innumerable people, the only sane way ahead is to learn in Christ how to treat one another with decency and dignity—even in our deep disagreement—and, with the humility that ought be firmly ingrained and fully alive in each individual saved by grace, reach deeply down for some measure of mutual compassion as fellow humans in a hateful world dying to know Jesus.
And yes, I am a nightmare to my book editors.
“My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead.”
Philippians 3:10-11 CSB
https://bible.com/bible/1713/php.3.11.CSB
Galatians 5:16-21
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