Unresolved bitterness

 Biblical Man blog

The Long-Term Effects of Unresolved Wounds

Bitterness doesn't happen overnight. It festers. It grows. And eventually, it destroys.

The Bible gives us a tragic case study of what happens when unforgiveness takes root the story of Absalom and Ahithophel.

Both men had reasons to be angry.

Both men had legitimate grievances.

Both men let bitterness consume them.

And in the end? It destroyed them.

THE BITTERNESS OF ABSALOM

Absaloms story begins with a terrible injustice.

His sister, Tamar, was raped by his half-brother Amnon.

David, his father the man after Gods own heart did nothing.

The righteous anger Absalom felt? Justified.

But instead of confronting David or trusting God's justice, Absalom let his bitterness take over.

For two years, he plotted, schemed, and nursed his grudge.

Then, he took vengeance into his own hands and murdered Amnon.

Even after being brought back to Jerusalem, he remained bitter.

He refused to forgive.

He set himself against his father.

And eventually? He led a rebellion that cost him his life.

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.

—Hebrews 12:15 KJV

Bitterness doesnt just destroy you it defiles those around you.

THE BITTERNESS OF AHITHOPHEL

Then theres Ahithophel.

This man wasn't just an advisor he was Davids's most trusted counselor. His words were as if a man had inquired at the oracle of God (2 Samuel 16:23).

But Ahithophel had a reason to resent David.

His granddaughter? Bathsheba.

His grandson-in-law? Uriah the Hittite.

He had watched David abuse his power, take Bathsheba, and murder Uriah.

Can you blame him for being angry?

But instead of leaving his grievance with God, Ahithophel let his wound become his identity.

Years later, when Absalom rebelled, Ahithophel saw his chance.

He joined the rebellion and gave one of the most wicked pieces of advice in Scripture:

And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy fathers concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father

—2 Samuel 16:21 KJV

Ahithophel wasnt just trying to help Absalom win he was trying to utterly destroy David.

And yet, it was Ahithophel, not David, who ended up dead.

When his advice was ignored, he went home, put his affairs in order, and hanged himself (2 Samuel 17:23).

Bitterness led him to vengeance.

Vengeance led him to despair.

And despair led him to destruction.

BITTERNESS: A FAMILY DESTROYER

Absalom was bitter over a crime that was never punished.

Ahithophel was bitter over a sin that was never undone.

Both had every reason to be hurt.

Both had every reason to seek justice.

But bitterness twisted their sense of justice into a thirst for destruction.

And in the end, it destroyed them.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.

—Ephesians 4:26-27 KJV

Notice what Scripture says:

When you let anger fester, you give place to the devil.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH BITTERNESS?

1. Recognize it for what it is.

• You can’t heal what you refuse to acknowledge.

• Do you constantly rehearse old wounds?

• Do you feel like you need to see someone else suffer before you can move on?

2. Take it to the Lord.

• David sinned—but David repented.

• God handled David’s discipline.

• God avenged Tamar’s suffering.

• The Bible is filled with proof that God deals with injustice.

• “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 KJV)

3. Forgive—before it destroys you.

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring sin.

• It means releasing your right to be the judge.

• It means letting God deal with it—so it doesn’t consume you.

• Unforgiveness didn’t hurt David—it destroyed Ahithophel.

• Unforgiveness didn’t hurt Amnon—it destroyed Absalom.

4. Break the cycle.

• Bitterness is generational.

• Absalom’s sin led to division and death.

• Ahithophel’s bitterness led to self-destruction.

• If you don’t deal with bitterness, your children will inherit it.

FINAL WARNING: DON’T BE AN ABSALOM IN THE GATE

In 2 Samuel 15, Absalom stood at the gate of the city, whispering in peoples ears.

Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.

—2 Samuel 15:6 KJV

Bitterness is never content to stay silent.

It seeks allies.

It breeds division.

It steals hearts.

Thats why bitter people are always whispering.

And thats why, by the time you notice the the damage is already done.

The church is full of Absaloms in the gate.

Wounded Christians whispering against their pastors.

Family members bringing up old wounds to keep division alive.