Doing the best we know how

 Paul Dazet

Most of us were shaped long before we had a choice.

By trauma we couldn’t name.

By patterns we inherited.

By beliefs we absorbed about our worth, our belonging, our place in the world.

Some of us were taught that love is conditional.

Some were never taught how to regulate emotions.

Some were praised for perfection and punished for vulnerability.

So when someone breaks down, 

or lashes out, 

or clings to control, 

or shuts down entirely, 

It might look like rebellion.

But more often, it’s protection.

It’s survival.

And while that survival instinct might no longer serve them,

It makes sense when you understand their story.

We Heal Together, Not Alone

I used to think healing was something I had to do privately.

In secret.

On my own.

But I’ve learned that real healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

It happens in community, 

When we show up for one another 

Not with judgment, 

But with tenderness.

It happens when we dare to say:

“I see you. You’re not broken. You’re wounded. And you’re doing the best you can.”

And something shifts.

Shame loses its grip.

Performance gives way to presence.

And we begin to carry one another’s burdens, not by fixing, but by staying.

What If We Believed This?

What if, before we assumed laziness or apathy or failure,

We paused to ask: What’s this person carrying?

What if, when someone’s behavior triggers our frustration,

We responded with curiosity: I wonder what that’s about?

What if we practiced a radical empathy that said:

“I don’t know the whole story. 

But I believe there is one. 

And I believe they’re doing the best they can.”

That kind of empathy has the power to:

Cange marriages.

Change parenting.

Change workplaces, churches, and communities.

It’s the foundation of kinship.

It’s the birthplace of grace.

And it’s the kind of community I want to be part of.