Pride

 Brian Dempsey

For a long time, pride was something I mostly saw in other people. I was wrong. My life has been dominated by it.

I used to think pride meant arrogance. Loud confidence. Swagger. Someone who thinks they’re better than everyone else and wants the room to know it. But that definition allowed me to miss what was actually destroying me.

At its core, pride is not arrogance. It is a focus upon self, where self becomes the center of the story and the center of attention. 

And once you see it that way, you realize how many different forms it takes. Arrogance, yes. But also self-pity. Narcissism. Defensiveness. People-pleasing. Insecurity. Control. Even a kind of false humility. These are not opposites. They are different expressions of the same disease…pride.

And in relationships, pride is not subtle for long. It is destructive. 

Before the Lord saved me, my life was spiraling out of control. The constant, pervasive focus upon myself made me blind to anything outside of my own desires. Pride turned me into something like an addict. I was always looking for the next thing that would feed my self-focus. Admiration. Success. Pleasure. Power.

I wanted people to admire me. To think well of me. Honestly, I didn’t even care if they were jealous of me.

What is so ironic is that I cloaked all of this sinful pride behind a Southern accent and a whimsical personality. Most people thought I was just a “good guy.” They had no idea about the absolute chaos under the surface, quietly driving my life and destroying it.

Because of my nature and extent of my sin, I ended up going through seven months of intensive counseling after the Lord saved me. Not to clean things up externally, but to reshape my thinking and expose patterns and habits that were self-destructive and completely contrary to God’s Word. That process forced me to look closely at pride, not as an abstract category, but as something that showed up in very specific and repeated ways, especially in my relationships.

Looking back, there were certain patterns that dominated my life. These weren’t occasional lapses. They were the air I breathed.

I had an inflated view of my own importance, gifts, and abilities. I consistently overestimated myself and underestimated others. My sense of what I brought to the table was deeply distorted.

I talked too much about myself. Conversations often became vehicles for self-focus. Even when I wasn’t overtly boasting, I found subtle ways to bring things back to me.

I saw myself as better than others in ways I would never have admitted out loud. I quietly looked down on people who thought differently, struggled differently, or lived differently than I did.

I talked too much in general. I felt the need to fill space, to be heard, to assert myself. Silence felt uncomfortable because it meant surrendering control.

My humor was often sarcastic, hurtful, or degrading. Sarcasm gave me a socially acceptable way to elevate myself while cutting others down.

I was impatient and irritable with others. People became obstacles when they interfered with my plans, my preferences, or my timeline. My irritation exposed how central my agenda really was.

I voiced my preferences and opinions even when I wasn’t asked. I assumed my thoughts were necessary, helpful, or wanted, even when they weren’t.

I lacked close relationships. I avoided depth because it required vulnerability. Independence felt safer, but it was really just pride dressed up as self-sufficiency.

I was consumed with what others thought of me. Many of my decisions were shaped by how they would make me appear. Approval and esteem quietly ruled far more than I realized.

I used others for what they could do for me. I evaluated relationships based on usefulness. Even service could become transactional, centered on what I gained rather than what I gave.

Even now, I still see these same patterns creeping into my life. Pride does not disappear quietly. It has to be confronted daily, crucified daily, and replaced with humility. It is so deadly and deceptive because it is the root of all other sin.

Humbling ourselves is simply bringing our lives more fully under the Lordship of Christ in the areas He continues to expose and refine.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you. ~ 1 Peter 5:5–6

Lord, give us eyes to see our pride, grace to put it to death, and hearts that grow in humility before You and others.