Guilt Shame Loop

 Harp - Chris Harper, Better Man and Good Trouble, Arlington Texas, PhD from Talbot

Guilt-Shame-Death Loop

I’ve never been much for New Year’s resolutions. I think the devil loves them… Most are built on a familiar ethic: "try harder… do more… this year will be different."

The 'try harder,' 'do more' story rarely produces transformation. Typically, it produces early momentum, quiet fatigue, eventual failure, and then the added burden of shame for not becoming who we hoped we’d be. What starts as conviction becomes empty talk, leading to the guilt-shame-death loop. That is not how people are formed. It’s how they are worn down.

Recently, I came across the Vision – Intention – Means [VIM] framework thanks to Mason King. Developed by Dallas Willard, 'VIM' was his answer to a thin, behavior-driven Christianity that mistakes effort for formation and activity for obedience. At its core, VIM asks a fundamental question: How do people actually change?

Willard’s answer is both freeing and demanding. Real change does not begin with trying harder, but with seeing differently. It requires a compelling vision of life with God, a settled intention to pursue that life, and concrete means [practices, rhythms, and relationships] that slowly retrain the soul.

Willard always believed that spiritual formation is not an event [I agree]. And neither is it a resolution. Formation is the long, patient work of grace shaping a willing life. I need more of that in 2026... Maybe you do too?

Vision: What do I see?

Vision is a compelling picture of life as God intends it. Vision is not just information; it’s imagination baptized by truth. Vision answers:

What kind of man am I becoming?

What is at stake if I don’t change?

Without vision, change feels optional, and obedience feels burdensome. That’s because a man seldom fights for a future he cannot see.

Intention: What have I decided?

Intention is a settled commitment of the will. Intention is the line in the sand. Not "I hope," not "I’ll try," but "I have decided." Willard famously said: "Desire without intention is useless." Intention answers: Have I truly decided to change? Or am I waiting to feel ready? Is this a preference or a conviction? 

Without intention, vision stays theoretical and growth stalls at inspiration. Men default to posturing, and posturing is cheap.

Means: How will I train?

Means are concrete practices that reshape the soul—the disciplines, habits, and structures that make change possible. Willard was clear: "Grace is not opposed to effort; it is opposed to earning." Means include [but are not limited to]:

Spiritual disciplines

Community and accountability

Confession and repentance rhythms

Most men fail not because they don’t love God, or they lack information, but because their vision is vague, their intention is unspoken, and their means are absent. Willard’s insight is devastatingly simple: You never get transformation by accident.

I think that’s what I most appreciate about the VIM framework: it dismantles passive Christianity [God will change me someday], behaviorism [just stop sinning], and emotionalism [if I feel inspired, I’ll obey]. Rather than just trying, you get clarity and training—you get actual change. 

Vision inspires change. Intention commits to change. Means make change possible. That’s how souls are formed.

Harp’s VIM for 2026

I'm not just a preacher, I’m a practitioner… The four areas where I am seeking intentional growth in 2026:

Fatherhood presence

Vision: "I see myself as a patient, present father whose children associate me with peace, joy, and direction."

Intention: "I decide that my kids will not get my leftovers."

Means:

Preparing meals for children

Praying for and with children

Carrying others burdens

Scripture Engagement

Vision: "I see myself as a man shaped by God’s Word—steady, discerning, rooted."

Intention: "I decide Scripture will be a non-negotiable, not a spiritual accessory."

Means:

Scripture memorization

Read aloud [slows the mind]

Journaling / reflection

Anger and emotional regulation

Vision: "I see myself as a man who is slow to anger, firm but gentle, strong without being volatile."

Intention: "I choose to confront my anger rather than justify it."

Means:

Identity my triggers

Naming emotions before they happen

Scripture reframing [James 1:19–20]

Physical exercise

Develop my prayer life

Vision: "I see a life where prayer is my reflex, not my last resort."

Intention: "I decide prayer will shape my days."

Means:

Written prayers

Pray the scriptures

Prayer walk

I encourage you to use VIM this year. Pick 3 or 4 areas where you want growth [share your VIM with someone(s) you trust]. Give vision to each one. Name your intention. Get practical with your means. And when change isn’t happening, ask:

Is my vision compelling enough

Have I really decided or is this just mental talk

Remember, one missing piece breaks the chain. And you’ll be no better off than the 98% of people who leave the gym by February 15.

Here’s to REAL change in 2026.

For the King,

— Harp