Scott Sauls
French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, in his essay "The Look," wrote about the discomfort of being seen. His thesis is that hell is the unbearable experience of someone else looking at you, thus putting you at risk of being known
According to Sartre, hell is the inability to control what others think of you—being unable to hide your sins and secrets from the world.
Most would agree that Sartre's assessment of the human heart is on point. Deep down we are afraid of being seen and found out, known and rejected.
Ever since Adam and Eve hid themselves in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:8), we, their human descendants, have followed suit. With our many flaws and secrets, we are dis-eased with being examined by God and others.
We are also afraid even to examine ourselves. We are masters at self-deception, hiding our character flaws by avoiding or staying above the surface in relationships, telling self-protective half-truths, curating an image or “brand” for ourselves, and shifting blame in any direction that enables us to hurl blame away from ourselves.
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This is a deep dilemma. Created in the image of a deeply relational, Three-in-One God, we want desperately to be known, seen, and adored on the deepest level. But we also fear this more than just about anything.
Consider this: How often do we keep uninterrupted eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds? How long are we able to withstand “the look?”
We all have secrets that, if discovered, would compel us to run and hide. We prefer others to form opinions about us based on our controlled internet personas versus the real, unedited "us." When the "real us" is exposed, we face a dilemma—do we fight, self-defend, and shift blame, or do we live with brave transparency before God and others?
The Gospel, with its shame-covering grace, resources us to face the most broken parts of ourselves without being crushed. While there are times when it is wise to erect boundaries with others who have done or intend to do us harm, Jesus is never one of these people.
As C.S. Lewis wrote of Narnia’s Aslan, Jesus is not safe but he is good. His goodness was manifest in many ways, most notably in how he was condemned for us, so we are now immune forever from condemnation.
There is no condemnation in Christ! The negative verdicts we feel are not held against us by God. Jesus endured shame and humiliation on the cross so that God would never say to us, "I’m ashamed of you." Yet, we still struggle and either fight or flee.
The Fight or Flight Impulse
In Genesis 3, after disobeying and running from God, Adam blamed Eve and God for his actions (Genesis 3:12). We imitate Adam, quickly shifting blame when confronted or criticized or exposed. How easy it is for us to pin responsibility for our flaws on parents, spouses, employers, or even God, making ourselves out to be victims.
This is the fight impulse.
Genesis 3 also tells us that Adam and Eve hid from the Lord among the trees (Genesis 3:8). When our less-than-lovely traits are exposed, we often run from relationships, communities, jobs, and marriages. Sartre reminds us that being truly seen on this level—"warts and all"—can be like a living hell. So we run.
This is the flight impulse.
A Better Way: Gospel Grace
God offers a way to be fully known without rejection.
The Gospel assures us that:
God Is Not Angry with Us
He holds no punitive intent toward us. How can this be so? Because Jesus died on the cross to bear the full penalty for our sins past, present, and future. His words, "It is finished" (tetelesthai, an accounting term meaning "paid in full"), signify that God’s anger is satisfied. Even in failure, we are not condemned if our trust is in Jesus and not in ourselves (Romans 8:1-2). After denying Jesus three times, Peter was boldly restored with love, dignity, honor, and reinstatement (John 21:15-25).
The Lord we betray every day does the same, again and again, for us.
We Can Stop Pretending
In Luke 18:9-14, a Pharisee boasts about his good deeds, creating a false sense of superiority. Jesus, through his many voluntary humiliations and naked exposure on the cross, provides refuge from our haunting fear of being known.
We can be our true selves in Christ, without fear of ultimate rejection.
Although temporal rejection from our fellow, flawed human beings can be painful, it is not permanent. Whether in this life or the life to come, the Lord will bring an end to all forms of rejection, division, and harm.
In receiving the Father’s welcome, we won’t be able to resist welcoming all his other daughters and sons. And they won’t be able to resist welcoming us. The prodigal from Luke 15 will feel at home because of divine and communal grace, and the elder brother will too. Just like wolves and lambs, leopards and goats, lions and calfs, bears and cows, and infants and vipers, the elder brothers and younger brothers of God’s world will neither harm nor destroy, but will eat and play together (Isaiah 11:6-9).
Constructive Feedback Can Help Us All
With our sins condemned and covered at the cross, it opens the door for us to receive constructive feedback without taking it personally, melting down, giving people the silent treatment, or walking away from relationships. Knowing we are free from shame allows us to admit our flaws and grow from the constructive feedback we receive. Jesus provides a permanent covering for our shame.
Speaking of, one of the best examples I know of receiving criticism graciously is my former boss and mentor. I wrote a tribute to Tim Keller that highlights this shining quality of his.
Everything is An Opportunity for Gratitude
A Puritan with just bread and water once said:
"What? All this and Jesus Christ too?"
When we internalize God’s forgiveness, we can respond with gratitude even in the humblest of circumstances, knowing we are always better off than we deserve (Galatians 3:29). In fact, those humble circumstances can be the very catalyst for our appreciating God’s kindness all the more.
Embracing Our True Identity in Christ
Understanding our identity in Christ is crucial. Because of Christ, we are loved and accepted by God. This is true not because of our performance or moral record (quite to the contrary) but because of His grace. When we grasp the realities of grace, it liberates us from the need to prove ourselves and frees us to rest in His love.
The Gospel offers a profound message of forgiveness, grace, and acceptance. It frees us from pretending, transforms even half-true criticism into redemptive opportunity, and fosters gratitude because of the welcome and love we are given by our Heavenly Father. Living this out in community and embracing our identity in Christ enables us to experience the fullness of life that God has for us. He welcomes us, sinners that we are, and eats with us (Luke 15:1-2).
As we move forward in Christ one small step at a time, may an ever-deepening belief in and receptivity to his forgiveness shape our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and relationships.
And may it all lead to lives of deeper meaning and joy.
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