Be at Peace

I have a couple of questions for you, Paul. I don’t like to dialogue by text because it is so easy to be misunderstood. I do not like to gossip because of  the evil consequences that can happen, and I HATE confrontation. I’m sorry to take so long in answering the questions you asked but I tried to be honest. 

But…. Hebrews 12:14 — Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. ANd….Hebrews 12:15 - See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Proverbs 27:17 - Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

I want to be at peace with you, Paul, and those who have a distaste for my presence at LFF.  I do not want bitterness to take root between us.  Sometimes sparks fly during the sharpening of brothers.

My frustrations at LFF are all related to my disappointment and discouragement with relationships and how LFF has changed. But I recognize that maybe I’ve changed far more than LFF had changed.  It is very difficult to simplify my comments in a text or in one face to face conversation. My prideful opinions and arrogance have been obvious by others far more than I’ve acknowledged in myself.  I’ve been driven to be someone I thought God wanted me to be.  I was wrong and I want to correct my path. I want to be called by the Spirit, not self driven.   I became a stumbling block to you, to LFF attendees and who knows how many people.

I’ve tried to be honest in my answers to you, but PLEASE  tell me other ways I can and should change.  I do not want to be blind to my drivenness and other ways I have offended you and others. I know that you cannot answer for anyone but yourself, but I want to surrender my selfishness to our Lord.  He loves you and me far more than we can ever imagine.  I will give an account for the way I’ve acted with you, and I do not want you to be embittered against me for my sin which is blind to me. I’m my own worst enemy for sure, and evil can take root, even with good intentions. Compassion should never be at odds with biblical convictions. My biggest enemy to growing in Christ is myself.  

One issue I’m confused about is why the field of counseling is looked down upon by many at LFF.  . I’ve attempted to approach the subject with you while kayaking but sensed animosity to the field of counseling. I know a short answer is not possible but I sense a disdain by several at LFF toward counselors as compromised Christians.

I’ve been divisive and prideful with what I’ve thought is the right way to live in our world, in my career as an educator, passionate about discipleship, mentoring, and encouraging the study of scriptures. I have always felt it important to take a stand in my life against certain behaviors and for other types of behaviors.  My life is far more conservative than most church goers in any church, far more conservative than most parents and grandparents, yet I thought I have been accepting of diverse views. I’ve evidently NOT communicated myself well in the LFF setting.   

I know that I am hypersensitive to a lot of issues, based on my counseling experiences with people, and by working my whole life in the public schools. I am hypertensive to the many who are trying to dismantle public education in Nebraska and elsewhere, all networked and financed by the same individuals who would love to politicize the church, away from the Great Commission. I’ve tried to engage the non-church going and church going students in my life to study the Bible.  It is possible to influence the general public to love our Lord and I feel slapped in the face by church goers for trying.  I’m hypersensitive to the those who take advantage of the victimized and unsuspecting.  Sin has taken root in unseen ways to make all of us divided and confrontational. 

I’m sorry that I’ve been hurtful to the church and to you, but I want to be more effective with open eyes and ears to what God wants to show me. God willing, I have a few short years left to participate in what God is doing this side of His return.  I do not want to be side tracked with petty issues.  You asked what you have done wrong in the way you have treated me. Now,  PLEASE tell me how I need to change. What has caused you to withdraw from me over the last couple of years?  After all, we have spent quite a bit of time together until … whatever drifted in between us.  As the leader and point man in the church, you have seen the way I’ve interacted with others and have greater insight than anyone.  You have the big picture of the church far better than most.  Why do people dismiss me as irrelevant, suspicious of my intentions, and mock me to my face?  I’m confused.  

Sometime ago, while Sandy was so ill at UNMC, I shared with you afterwards that I felt Satan was attacking. Evil is still hurling billets.  “ Once you realize that you are in a spiritual battle with the forces of evil, you will become very sensitive to sin’s attempts to conquer you. In a war, only a fool is not on constant alert for the enemy.”  - Tony Evans  

“Stepping up” in your spiritual life often begins with “kneeling down."  - Tony Evans

An article well worth reading “Loving Enough to Confront” by Pastor Bob Russel prompts me to ask you to be honest with me: https://bobrussell.org/love-enough-to-confront/

Again, I’m not asking for any approval rating or popularity award.  I surrender my selfish ambitions to our Savior who wants to transform me, not to conform to any cultural or church standard. I want to rid myself of any idols of selfish ambition or selfish kingdom building.  When all is said and done, you and I will fall on our knees to worship our Lord.

I’m anxiously awaiting your insight.  

—-////

Thank you for your quick response, Paul. I’m full of remorse in offending you regarding my home school rant. I’ve been immersed in seeing the all out assault on our public school system from all sides, nationally, in Nebraska and locally. The assault is an all out war by a network of highly financed individuals working together to dismantle what I love about our nation. But….I recognize and respect each parent to do what they feel is right for their family and son jut condemn you for doing a great job and doe what you will do with your family. I’m sorry for saying what could be a label for all home school families. As I had indicated, I’ve been through the Bill Gothard training and could see what has become a national network. I know of several home school families who do a great job and I’ve worked with some, supplying materials and support. I am hyper sensitive but have taken several hits by those assaulting what I love and have worked for. Each time another conversation happens on this issue, my emotional response is not healthy for anyone.

I’m sorry for unloading on you in written form, but I know my temptation to mention several people’s names and I do not want to bash individuals with you  I hope and pray that my comments give you a greater understanding of my search for wisdom in a chaotic noisy world, including local church groups - LFF and many more.

Thank you for your kind words regarding our marriage and with your disagreement towards my arrogance and self righteousness. But…God knows my heart and I want to correct what my attitude has been and obviously continues. I am very flawed and need correction. My depravity and darkness of the heart is a great offense. Perhaps God will give me grace and wisdom to do a better job in communicating with others. 

Again, I know that my views are far more conservative than most church goers. Regarding alcohol use, I know that very few today agree with me. But having been trained through numerous drug and alcohol prevention programs and having worked with the Nebraska Council on Alcohol, I know my views cause people to push back. I mistakenly think others should uphold what I think is important  I’m wrong.  

I appreciate the difficult role you have as pastor. Not that I fully understand, but when I had a private counseling practice, I had clients that were pastors and had several clients referred to me by pastors. I appreciate the fact that being a friend of Job is a fear. Most of us simply need a pastor who walks along side our struggles, simply saying that I’m here with you, or ‘how are you doing’, no matter how flawed and difficult we are.

As I’ve changed the past few years, I sense greater spiritual warfare happening (which has always happening - I’m just more aware). Our culture is changing rapidly and the church in general is asleep. I do not want to be asleep.  I do not want to spend the next ten years or how ever many I have left with fellow church goers who walk away from me every single time. This no reflection on you but each episode amplifies my frustration. I should not expect anyone to care about my battle when I’ve been the problem. 

 I’ve become very restless with this battle and want to have my eyes and ears open to what God wants me to see. I want to participate in His glory and not sit in the pew nor be a divisive factor nor foolish. With such stark warnings by the apostle Paul regarding division, I do not want to be a stumbling block. 

Thank you for the paper on counseling.  Again, I’ve assumed far too much and should have asked you more specific questions.  I appreciate your concerns regarding many counselors who have a secular viewpoint.  But there are several counselors in private practice who have a Biblical approach, and have GI e tk Greta lengths to bee trained in Biblical counseling.  It is difficult to know who has an approach that is untainted by the world.  Perhaps it is a failure to communicate their view, but I urge you to consider that there are counselors who are well trained yet are in line with the Bible.  Several seminaries train their students well.  I fear the view you hold in the paper is the same toward me as an educator in the public school, as untrustworthy.

I appreciate your time in listening to my restless quandary.  I can’t express how restless I am to be a better Christ follower.  I want to do better in how I communicate with you, Paul. I know I have caused sparks to fly between us, but trust that my difficulties will result in greater sensitivity to the issues confronting both of us in a crazy world. God is calling us to live a high standard of moral integrity and I want to do better.

Praying- God, I forgive each person I’ve held a grudge against at LFF: the people who’ve caused me pain … the people who’ve wronged and betrayed me, who have mocked my presence, and for their rejection. Please forgive me for being a stumbling block, for getting in their way.  I forgive them, I want to continually forgive them, because You forgave me. Please bless each one of them, Lord. Transform each life and bless them like You have blessed me. Empower each one to trust you fully and prevent me from being another stumbling block to their growth in Your love. Please forgive me for thinking my lifestyle is best, judging others for the way they live life. Forgive my stubborn pride and hurtful attitude with Paul. Empower him to overlook my offenses yet supply him with generous wisdom as he lives each day for you. Allow him to deepen his love for You, preventing him to be sidetracked by how I’ve hurt him. In Jesus’ name, Amen

"The dark night is God’s attack on religion. If you genuinely desire union with the unspeakable love of God, then you must be prepared to have your 'religious' world shattered. If you think devotional practices, theological insights, even charitable actions give you some sort of purchase on God, you are still playing games."

— Rowan Williams, A Ray of Darkness

Bible 42

 Practing prayer and God’s presence each day is the only way to train for the challenges ahead of us. Thinking that we are always going to have green lights, open doors and easy conversations is delusional thinking. I want TJ get better at having a running conversation with God, rather than dwell on my complaints. Anticipating what He will teach me is far better than expecting drama around the next corner. Being let down by a friend, being persecuted for doing good, or being victimized and traumatized can be horrific experiences, yet Jesus went through it all. He sympathizes  with what we go through each day. 

Renovation 5

 Trying harder to be a good Christian doesn’t work. Each day I need to choose whether I’m going to ‘try’ to be a better person or whether I’m going to surrender to Him and rely on His grace moment by moment. It’s easy to give up on certain projects, people, or cultural trends, thinking that making another attempt to make a difference is useless. But God is certainly giving us enough evidence that He is at work changing g lives and moving events into place for His purpose. A politician recently told a church gathering that …”it’s useless to turn the other cheek, and it’s time to quit being nice”. Trusting God’s way of doing life is needed now just as it always has been. What He is doing is beyond our physical sight, but obvious in God’s word. 

“To “grow in grace” means to utilize more and more grace to live by, until everything we do is assisted by grace. Then, whatever we do in word or deed will all be done in the name of the Lord Jesus (Colossians 3:17). The greatest saints are not those who need less grace, but those who consume the most grace, who indeed are most in need of grace—those who are saturated by grace in every dimension of their being. Grace to them is like breath.” - Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart: Putting On the Character of Christ

Solomon’s Legacy

 Michael Sprague

HOW DID THE WISEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED BECOME SO DUMB?

I was asked this question  while teaching on the Kings and in particular Solomon. Remember King Solomon? He came to power as a young man and knew he was in over his head. King David had been the man’s man with a wide breath of experience. Solomon was born with the silver spoon in his mouth and grew up in the palace. God gave Solomon one wish. It could be anything? Have you ever played that game? One Wish? What would you pick? Win the lottery? Saints win the Super Bowl? Solomon chose Wisdom. An understanding heart to serve the people. Scripture says Solomon became the wisest man who ever lived and led Israel to their glory days of splendor, strength, wealth, and worldwide acclaim.

God told Solomon as a King, he was not to multiply horses, wives, or gold (Deuteronomy 17:16-17). In other words, watch out for the temptations of money, sex, and power. What does the wisest man in the world do? He sets world records in each of those categories. Take the wives for example. He ended up with seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. Think of that for a moment. His wives had to wear nametags so he could remember who they were. Could you imagine getting into the bathroom in the morning in that household? Sadly, “his wives turned his heart away after other gods and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God.”

So, I got the inevitable question, HOW DID THE WISEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED BECOME SO DUMB? My answer…I told them about Luke Goodrich. He was burning garbage in his backyard even though it was illegal. Things got out of control and over one thousand acres burned in San Jose, California. It took four hundred firefighters and six helicopters to get the blaze under control. Who was Mr. Goodrich? The chief of the San Jose Fire Department. He did not do what he knew to be true.

Likewise, Solomon did not live what he wrote. This is the same daily challenge for all of us. This is where the rubber meets the road. We are to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. The Bible is supposed to be a mirror, not binoculars. The natural tendency is to judge others and give ourselves all the breaks. We are to apply the Bible first to ourselves as a mirror.

The wisest man who ever lived ended up writing a book called Ecclesiastes. The book is like a neon flashing sign where Solomon says to learn from him. Solomon exhausted the sin spectrum. He tried it all looking for life apart from a personal relationship with God. He said, “Vanity of vanities. All is vanity. It is like chasing after the wind.” His conclusion, “Fear God and keep his commandments.” Everything minus God = Nothing. God plus Nothing = Everything.

May we all avoid paying “dumb tax” today. Oh God, we ask you for wisdom and the grace to act upon it.

Renovation 4

 Each of us have a unique story to tell. We each have different backgrounds and experiences that have formed our thinking and our hearts. How much of what we have learned needs to be I learned in light of the gospel?  I’m sure that each of us has a flawed history, either by how we behaves or by the way we see life. How is God changing your life?  How is He bringing clarity to who He wants you to become?  Working out our salvation, as stated in Philippians, is no small task. But His grace and mercy are sufficient as we proceed. 

“The hidden dimension of each human life is not visible to others, nor is it fully graspable even by ourselves. We usually know very little about the things that move in our own soul, the deepest level of our life, or what is driving it. Our “within” is astonishingly complex and subtle—even devious. It takes on a life of its own. Only God knows our depths, who we are, and what we would do.” - Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart: Putting On the Character of Christ

Renovation 3

 My pride and arrogance is a complete denial to my depravity and delta of my sin. There is no hope for my efforts or reputation for not being a trouble maker as a way to earn anything. God’s grace is completely opposed to earning our way to have good favor. But He is not opposed to our good efforts to live out our love for our Savior. The more overwhelmed I become by His love, I want to do better. 

“He saves us by realistic restoration of our heart to God and then by dwelling there with his Father through the distinctively divine Spirit. The heart thus renovated and inhabited is the only real hope of humanity on earth.” - Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart: Putting On the Character of Christ

Bible 41

 If you are like me, I’ve not taken the Bible serious enough. I’ve believers it Gibbs very important but I haven’t treasures it like I should. Like the Psalm states, the Scriptures provide life changing outcomes if we pray out the Bible and reflect upon the personal application to our lives. It:

1. Revives your soul (v.7a)
2. Brings you wisdom (v.7b)
3. Gives joy to your heart (v.8a)
4. Gives light to your eyes (v.8b)
5. Warns you of danger (v.11a)
6. Brings you great reward (v.11b).

If I do not understand the importance of what the Bible is saying, there is no way to live an authentic life that reflects what I believe. MY that be our prayer - to be authentic, true to what we believe.